Chain of Memories - Chapter 10

PAIN

And now he's in love with her. Deeply in love with her.

Love. It is the most wonderful feeling, he thought.

But this sadness -

As he leaned on the tree, he looked up to the skies.

"God, why?" he asked.

His hyung once told him that when adversities and problems were thrown in his path, it's because God knows he can overcome them all.

But this is too much, he thought.

He wanted everything to end - his tears, his pain, his sadness.

His life.

He remembered a line from his favorite video game.

Death is the ultimate and final liberation.

Then the tears stopped. He stood up. While doing so, he closed his eyes, and then he started to walk towards the lake.

The cool breeze in the area felt good in his skin, but he don't care.

The stars shone their brightest tonight, but he doesn't give a damn.

He removed his shoes and his socks, but kept his clothes. It will help, he thought.

He sensed the light of the moon through his eyelids. He decided to open his eyes.

"Beautiful," he muttered as he looked at the moon.

He stopped walking.

He stared at the lake. He smiled as he always did when he see the beauty of this lake.

Lake Serene, as he call it.

He started walking again.

Faster.

Faster.

He felt the water in his feet - cold, or at least it should be. He can't feel it. He can't feel anything at all.

Numbed by the pain maybe, he thought.

He walked on.

He thought of Robedith. He felt his heartbeat rate increased - its beating is abnormal, painful. So painful it brought Changmin down to his knees. Water splashed around him.

Tears fell down his cheeks once again.

He remembered their accidental first kiss. Their first lunch together. Their first conversation under the molave tree near Lake Serene. The first time he walked her home. The first time he walked with her to the school. The first time they shared earphones on his iPod. The first time they worked on school activities in pair. The first time he sang for her, and the way she reacted to it.

"It's wonderful! How come you didn't tell me that you sing so well?" asked Robe. She was sitting and leaning on the molave tree near the lake.

Changmin smiled. He touched the back of his head in embarassment. "Thanks," he managed to blurt out.

"Hey, can you sing another song for me?"

"What song?"

"Any song."

"Okay."

Maybe it's intuition, but some things you just don't question.
Like in your eyes I see my future in an instant.

Robedith closed her eyes as she took in Changmin's voice.

And there it goes, I think I've found my best friend.
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy but I believe.
I knew I loved you before I met you.
I think I dreamed you into life.
I knew I loved you before I met you.
I have been waiting all my life.

"Let's go home," Changmin said.

"Hey, you didn't finish the song," Robedith complained.

"Ha ha."

He smiled. This is one of the most memorable days in his life.

His heart fluttered every time he recall that day. But after the day when he confessed his feelings for her, he tried to avoid remembering that day. Heck he tried to avoid Robedith herself.

He cleared his thoughts, closed his eyes, then walked on. He felt the water rising up.

Death is the ultimate and final liberation.

The water reached his chest.

Death is the ultimate and final liberation.

Then his neck.

Death is the ultimate and final liberation.

Then his chin.

Death is the ultimate and final liberation.

He held his breath as the water reached his lips. He walked on.

Death is the ultimate and final liberation.

It's near, he thought. He'd be free of pain at last.

Then he remembered his pain.

It was lunch time. Changmin asked Junsu to practice the song I Knew I Loved You by Savage Garden in his guitar.

"Why?"

"You'll know later," Changmin responded.

They practiced the song twice, then stopped when their classmates started to enter the room.

The duo sat at the table in front of the room. Junsu held the guitar, ready for Changmin's cue.

Then, she entered.

Robedith.

Changmin made the cue to Junsu, who started strumming. Changmin started singing.

There's just no rhyme or reason, only this sense of completion.
And in your eyes,
I see the missing pieces I'm searching for.
I think I've found my way home.
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy but I believe.
I knew I loved you before I met you.
I think I dreamed you into life.
I knew I loved you before I met you.
I have been waiting all my life.

"Robe, I love you. Will you be mine?" Changmin said, smiling.


Robedith just stood there, staring at her best friend. Speechless.

Then, Jaejoong entered the room and approached Robe. He held her hand and said, "Hey honey, what's up?"

"Eh?" Changmin uttered.

Robedith looked at Changmin and said, "I'm with Jae now."

Changmin felt numb, like his soul left him. Junsu placed his left hand in Changmin's right shoulder.

"Ah, that's.. okay.. then.. uhmm.," Changmin stuttered as he looked down to the floor.

"Please.. excuse me," said Changmin. He ran out of the room.

"Hey Min! Wait!" said Junsu. He started to follow his friend.

The whole class were silent. Nobody knows that Jaejoong and Robedith were going out.

"What was that about?" asked Jaejoong.

"Uhm, nothing," said Robedith. She sounded deeply troubled.

"Oh, okay. Let's sit," said Jae.

"Right."


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Next: Chapter 11 - Good Night
Previous: Chapter 9 - Reminiscence